I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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