I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
