Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
