I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Farmville is her only friend.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
They took my balls.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
