Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
