I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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