I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize