i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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