she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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