what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My feet surprised me
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