ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
