I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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