thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Too much gin, very little bucket
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
