I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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