I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize