Just fell off a train. Bad.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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