I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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