i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
