just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
COCAINE IS GR8
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
false alarm, still single
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize