Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
