It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
