I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
