so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize