THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
