We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
