Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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