I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
we're making bets on your personal life
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
