someone owes me an orgasm
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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