Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
