im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
