I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
