the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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