why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Green mimosas i think yes
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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