we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You are the jesus of drinking
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
