I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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