Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
