i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
