So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
