Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize