Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
