i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
