what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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