No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
