ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize