I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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