im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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