erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
