I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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