The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
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