dude i'm inner monologue high
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
