It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
