My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
