I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
