i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize