Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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