I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
