My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
