i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
