I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
