SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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