it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
