What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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