He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
