Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Do vagina's smell?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
