So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
is wine microwaveable?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
