If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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