So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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