I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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