She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
