She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
