My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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