I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
