when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
