oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
