just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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