He kissed a someone with a penis
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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