Fine. I'll sleep in my office
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
