So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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