ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
