I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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