I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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