I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
