life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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