I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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