Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
