My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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