trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
