Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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