Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
