Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
