Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
