She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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